TV Garth: Year In Review Part 3 – Commercial Chaos!

2009 was the first year I extensively tracked my long distance TV reception, and I got to see all kinds of advertising from many different markets. This is my round up of the many stand out commercials I’ve seen this past year. They’re not all funny, but many of them are wacky, campy, and some are even a tad raunchy! (Be warned, there are some “mature themes” in this recap!) I also find that the “local” commercials are some of my favourites, since they provide a glimpse into a lot of cities I’ve never even travelled to! I’ve narrowed it down to my “top 25” plus one special bonus ad. (It was a good thing I procrastinated, since two awesome ads were caught just this past weekend in the amazing Southern Ontario tropo explosion, which I’ll be writing about shortly.)

1. The Energy Bill Lady! (Home Comfort Heat, seen on Rochester, NY’s WHAM & CW-WHAM.)

Back in March 2009, I was glued to my TV during one of the first “big bursts” of DTV reception from Rochester, NY that I picked up. In the middle of it came this wonderful ad for Home Comfort Heat where a woman pouts, looks up at the camera and starts to SING about how high her energy bill is. The awesomely camptastic ad cemented my love of local commercials being a mini snapshot of whatever city I was watching. Watch the ad here:

2. Diva Attitude from “Peppy Roni”! (Hungry Howie’s, seen on Erie, PA’s WBEP.)

I watched a lot of TV from Erie, PA last Summer, and one of the first commercials I loved was for Hungry Howie’s Pizza. It featured a woman in a giant pepperoni costume and she complained about people preferring Hungry Howie’s flavored crusts (their trademark) to more traditional pizza toppings! She’s a gum chewing, sassy treat, with a hint of valley girl in her! Wait for her eventual CD release I Am….Peppy Roni. (Sidenote….I would still love to try Hungry Howie’s pizza someday. I skipped going there when I was in Detroit, since it was late and the location looked a tad iffy. I also forgot to go there during my recent Buffalo-Erie road trip, which is somewhat ironic since it was Erie’s commercials that made me aware of the brand! Someday, I hope to devour the deliciousness of their butter-cheese pizza crusts!) Watch the commercial here:

3. Bankrupt “librarian” gets schooled by “sassy” loan providers! (Car 1 Certified Used Cars, seen on Detroit, MI’s WMYD.)

In an embarrassment of stereotypes, get one “mousy librarian” to ask “If I file bankruptcy can you finance me?” Add one “sassy” reply: “You better call someone who CARES!” Then divide by a monster truck rally voiceover exclaiming that “Car 1 Approves Your Loan Regardless Of Your Past!!!” It all adds up to a wonderfully awesome ad that’s cheesier than a Hungry Howie’s pizza!

Apparently at Car 1 you’ll never hear “Oh honey, I don’t think so” from the woman pictured below:

Watch the ad here:

4. These ladies are shaking with exxxcitement. (Trojan Vibrating Touch, seen on Rochester, NY’s WUHF.)

Back in March 2009 I stumbled onto this commercial for Trojan’s Vibrating Touch Fingertip Massager. I knew late night commercials could be raunchier that the daytime ones, but I wasn’t expecting this. My original summary, as written in April 2009: I watched in amazement as two valley girls in a salon start discussing a new "fingertip massager" from Trojan called the Vibrating Touch. The commercial seems to have been shot on a budget of five dollars, with atrocious "fake whispers" about the things you can do with this "massager." When the women are perplexed about where to buy it, the kindly receptionist (who fell out of the 1940s book of stereotypes and should probably be named "Agnes") leans in and tells them they can get it online because that's where she got hers! The best part is the horrible pun within the main tagline: "See what the BUZZ is all about!"

5. She’ll never tire of his full, firm, long-lasting….er… (Post-T-Vac, seen on Buffalo, NY’s WNYO.)

March 2009 really did seem to be the month where I learned about late night advertising eccentricities. Now that women had the Vibrating Touch, the men needed a new toy! Enter the Post-T-Vac, which is essentially a new spin on the good old “penis pump.” Couples are interviewed about how the device has improved their sex lives and that’s mixed with scenes like the one above, where the “rejuvenated” couple can play like swingers again. The awkwardly hilarious on screen text exclaims "Use as often as you like!" If the men can use this as often as they like, will they even need their partners anymore?

6. All the single ladies, put your hands up [if your boyfriend didn’t measure up.] (ExtenZe, seen on Utica, NY’s WKTV.)

Another entry in the late night sex racket, ExtenZe employed the….er….talents of the women above for a faux discussion program named Sex Talk. The ladies vapidly discuss the “shortcomings” of their men using terrible examples like “I dated this college football player…and I discovered big sneakers meant really big socks!” Well, it socks to be that guy right now, doesn’t it? It’s all a bunch of blather about how “size matters” and how if you use the product you’ll grow “bigger” almost immediately. (Now don’t go poking anyone’s eye out.) The infomercial also includes terrible “on the street” interviews with lascivious couples who are giggly and stiff in all the wrong ways. Sigh…..

The second edition of the ExtenZe infomercial is a slight improvement, as it trades some of the vapidity of the first one for some racecar driving testosterone.

7. You might do some ExtenZe-ive things for pleasure, but know the risks! (Black Leadership Commission on AIDS of Detroit, seen on Detroit, MI’s WJBK.)

On a serious note, I am glad to see PSAs on TV raising awareness for AIDS. This commercial was seen on Detroit’s WJBK back in November. (As well, WJBK is also one of the sponsors for Artworks For Life, an auction that donates proceeds to the Michigan AIDS Coalition.) Actor Sean Patrick Thomas was on hand to promote the Black Leadership Commission on AIDS of Detroit.

8. Remember, for catering emergencies, DON’T PANIC!! (Calamari’s Squid Row seen on Erie, PA’s WICU.)

I heart the way that the text is in LARGE CAPS telling us not to panic! I also love the “Time To Get ‘Er Done” clock in the pic below.

This tasty commercial won me over when I saw the company’s name (Calamari’s Squid Row) combined with the animated octopus wearing a chef’s hat and shades! Love it!

9. Between the what??? (Between The Buns, seen on South Bend, IN’s WNDU.)

Just this past weekend, I got my first look at stations from South Bend, Indiana. And, boy what a look it was. WNDU was showing an ad featuring a restaurant called Between The Buns. Oh my heavens. Between The Buns sounds like the type of bar I’d visit in the Church & Wellesley area of Downtown Toronto. But here it is in Indiana. It’s a sports bar too, so imagine some rugged, macho type going “Hey man, wanna head down to Between The Buns to watch the game tonight?” Maybe no one else sees the innuendo in their name, but Between The Buns has tickled a special spot in my dirty minded heart. (Is it too late to ask which condiments are available?)

10. He’s a Genie In A Bottle Teapot, Baby. (Club Meridian Apartments, seen on Lansing, MI’s WLNS.)

A woman is tired of her current rundown apartment situation and wants something a bit more luxurious. So she decides to rub her teapot (???) and then the magic happens….

Out pops a GENIE in a shining, shimmering, splendid purple outfit! The pair travels through a whole new world of upscale apartments in Mid-Michigan via questionable use of green screen technology. (In other words, I freaking loved this commercial!) Club Meridian Apartments – just one teapot rub away!

11. Meat these fine folks – hopefully I won’t butcher their message! (Shorthorn Meat Market, seen on Flint, MI’s WSMH.)

This was one of the few “local” commercials I caught during a brief burst of reception from Flint, MI’s WSMH!

Meat the team at Shorthorn Meat Market! (I know….I’m wearing out the meat/meet jokes.) It’s kind of funny that only the man on the far right seems to be smiling. Come on guys, there’s a lot at steak for this commercial to be successful! (Unfortunately, no web site could be found for them. So if you’re in Flint, or Mt. Morris, and visit the Shorthorn Meat Market, tell ‘em TV Garth sent you!)

12. Don’t chicken out when it’s time to sell your jewelry! (Airport Plaza Jewelers, seen on Buffalo, NY’s WGRZ.)

Oddly enough, one of the biggest advertising presences in Buffalo, NY has a really small business space! It’s the famous Airport Plaza Jewelers!

The main gimmick in their advertising is a rubber chicken (and sometimes people dressed in chicken suits.) The chicken (or person in chicken suit) cries “I buy it!” over shots of watches and other jewelry.

13. Oliver twists the conventions of the average commercials for jewelry buyers! (Oliver Jewellery, seen on Toronto, ON’s CKXT.)

Speaking of jewelry, one of the most ubiquitous commercial personalities in Toronto is Russell Oliver of Oliver Jewellery. Check out a great posting here from the blog Music, Birds and Cheerios to see some of his more infamous ads! (The best ad is the “Cash Man” music video, where he’s autotuned like Cher and has dancing harlots kicking their legs up while he flashes cash.)

14. Marquee my words, there are some cold rooms in Utica. (Marquee Cinemas Giveaway, seen on Utica, NY’s WUTR.)

This may be one of the only commercials to show people who work for Utica’s WUTR, as they no longer have a local newscast. (Not entirely sure if it’s WUTR staff or Marquee Cinema workers, but it may be a hybrid of both.) It promotes a giveaway of free movie tickets if you visit WUTR’s website, CNY Homepage.

Judging from the pic above, they have some very cold rooms in the WUTR building, if you catch my draft…er…drift. (Also note the Dancing With The Stars poster in the background!)

It feels appropriate that the Marquee Cinema guy manically bursts out of a popcorn bucket next to Jack Black’s name.

15. Ay, Carmella! (Carmella’s Cafe seen on Utica, NY’s WUTR.)

According to their website, Carmella’s Cafe is “a place where people of all ages [can] find good food value and fun in a casual, friendly surrounding.” The TV advertising, though, is a bit more questionable. I can imagine the ad exec behind this going “Hmmm…we have ‘young romance’ on the left, Stephanie and D.J. Tanner on the right, but what are we missing? I got it! We need a gangsta skateboard kid throwing some radical hand gestures at the viewing audience. That’ll do it!” If you’re ever in Central New York, visit Carmella’s Cafe and tell them TV Garth sent you! (And ask for the “gangsta skateboard kid” special! Well…er…don’t do that, just order something delicious and pretend it’s the “gangsta skateboard kid” special!)

16. Don’t be so quick to judge Joan Orie Melvin! (Joan Orie Melvin Vs. Jack Panella for Supreme Court, seen on Erie, PA’s WICU.)

In late October, I got to see some of the Pennsylvania political advertising for their regional elections on WICU. Above, we see Judge Joan Orie Melvin who claims to be Protecting Our Communities. Then came this…..

Oh dear….this attack ad hilariously shouts BEWARE – SHE WON’T PROTECT US. If that wasn’t enough, WARNING FOR WOMEN is emblazoned across the top of the screen in red. So just who will protect us?

Oh yeah, of course, it takes a man. Jack Panella claims to be the one who will really be PROTECTING WOMEN. I don’t know much about either of their political views or careers, but I find it so sexist to promote the idea that it takes a man to protect women. He might be a great Judge, and follow through on his campaign goals, but I type it as I see it.

17. Safe and Snuggie! (Seen on Buffalo, NY’s WGRZ.)

Ads for the Snuggie initially made it look like a cult of blanket wearers were trying to infiltrate “normal” society, as seen in the pic above. However, the Snuggie actually did became a bona fide phenomenon. That didn’t stop the product from becoming a target of late night jokes, as seen below on WGRZ’s airing of Late Night With Jimmy Fallon.

18. The shadowy prospects of dating. (MyFoxDetroit.com is Your Dating Spot seen on Detroit, MI’s WJBK.)

The sexy silhouettes above are promoting My Fox Detroit’s Dating services. Dating services???

Yep, WJBK’s website not only promotes their TV station, but is also a platform for dating services! I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen this kind of thing tied to a TV station’s website.

19. Sun casts a bright light (or is that glare) over Central New York! (Sun Used Car King seen on Syracuse, NY’s WSTQ and Utica, NY’s WPNY and WKTV.)

Back in May, I picked up Syracuse’s WSTM (and subchannels WSTQ and Weather) for the first time at my friend Mr. A’s downtown apartment. Long story short, I was ecstatic and wanted to take pics, but I had to hold the antenna at the window to maintain the signal. Mr. A graciously helped take pics for me, and what we noticed after awhile is that all that was showing on WSTQ was a loop of infomercials for Sun Used Car King! Full half hour infomercials going non-stop through the late night!

Later in the Summer at my own house, I caught Utica’s WPNY (subchannel of WUTR) and saw – wait for it – full half hour infomercials for Sun Used Car King!

This past November, I caught this ad on Utica’s WKTV showing apps so you can keep up with Sun on your iPod, Blackberry, or mobile phone. So, in conclusion, Sun is everywhere in Central New York!

20. Take a gamble on the prospects of a casino in Ohio! (Issue 3 Pro & Con ads seen on Cleveland, OH’s WKYC and WEWS.)

Above, you can see the “pro” ad for casinos in Ohio, in which they promise that 34,000 new jobs will be created. They also claim the casino will help keep a million dollars a year in Ohio. Not a bad gamble, until you see this:

Yep, it’s the “con” ad showing up, with the clever use of a “joker” playing card, claiming that “at no time 34,000 Ohioans will be put to work.” Hmmm…..now I’m not so sure I want to roll the dice on this one.

21. Being proud of Toronto! (Pride Toronto seen on Toronto, ON’s CFTO.)

I was especially excited to see this ad for Toronto Gay Pride showing up on CFTO last June! (The commercial features popular newscasters Ken Shaw and Christine Bentley!) I know big cities are more likely to show advertising like this, but it’s still a big affiliate of a major Canadian network using their ad time to support Pride Toronto. (And the ads are run at all times of day, not pushed into later hours or otherwise sanctioned.) So kudos to CFTO and CTV for making me proud that they openly support an event that celebrates the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transsexual, Transgender, Intersex, Queer/Questioning, 2 Spirited communities and their Allies.

22. Unzipping the church in Erie! (Erie First Assembly seen on Erie, PA’s WICU.)

The commercial begins with the man above explaining something about how the church needs to get stripped down back to basics. However, I never expected that to become literal in the picture below:

Yes, a giant zipper is being undone to showcase the “naked church” at Erie First Assembly. I have to give Erie First Assembly credit for trying unique, pop cultured approaches to their advertising. (Previous campaigns have even included a parody of the show Lost.)

23. Just which bigger, juicier, better tasting tomatoes are they selling, anyway? (Topsy Turvy seen on Erie, PA’s WFXP.)

I’m sure the director of this infomercial had no intention of setting up the shot like that. The woman just happened to be picking tomatoes with the bowl conveniently placed in front of her…er…tomatoes. (The caption on screen only adds to the hilarity.)

At least we now know where the Topsy in Topsy Turvy came from.

24. Help end racism – by showcasing African-American children beating on drums in the commercial. (Duck Race to End Racism seen on Syracuse, NY’s WSYR.)

I know the Duck Race to End Racism has their heart in the right place. Yet, I still find it unintentionally funny that the caption “Help End Racism” appears over a stereotypical image of African-Amercian kids beating on drums.

25. Curiosity killed the cat, but did it also spank the monkey? (Curious George seen on Buffalo, NY’s WKBW.)

I’m really afraid to think about what a picture of yourself being “curious” would look like. (Especially with sexting and every third celebrity being curious about how they’d look in a homemade adult video…) They better screen those things when they get sent in. Or maybe they will be fluffy and innocent like the Britney Spears song “I’m So Curious” because we all know how Britney turned ou….er…never mind!

BONUS - I survived the digital transition, and all I got was this lousy bid to take back the frequencies??? (Let’s Keep Free Antenna TV seen on Buffalo, NY’s WIVB.)

These commercials are popping up in the US after word got out that companies want to take even more of the TV spectrum back for things like wireless internet, and phone services. Click here to read more about it on the DXing From Lincoln County AR blog. Sigh…..after all the campaigning to transition people to digital TV, it seems dumb to pull that rug out from under them this quickly. TV Garth officially endorses the Let’s Keep Free Antenna TV campaign!

That wraps up my top commercials of the year! Stay tuned to TV Garth for a report on the MAJOR EVENT of 2010. Southern Ontario was covered with gigantic tropospheric enhancement in mid-January for three days and I was there to capture it! I caught about 18 new stations I’d never seen before and set new personal records for longest distance catches! Magic Tropo Ride – The January Blast coming soon to TV Garth!